Tell me to knock it off...

Okay, I know I am feeling sorry for myself for no reason. I am amazingly blessed with two wonderful boys, and I really, truly do NOT want another. Really. However, not one, but three people who I love dearly are pregnant (and you know who you are...and maybe there are a couple out there that know who they are, even if I don't know who you are, so there could be more...???) While I am SO thrilled for them, and I really, really don't want to be them, it makes me a little sad.

Why is it that, years after I've done ANYTHING to try to have a baby, and after I have my two amazing guys, I still have these feelings? I know a few of you know what I mean--that, "Why not me?" feeling any time anyone else is pregnant. That longing...that, "I wish I could just have a baby like anyone (or sometimes it seems like everyone!) else." It's not really that I want another baby, I guess--it's just that I'd like the option. I'd like to know what it feels like to wonder if this is the month, without taking drugs (or doing much more!) beforehand. I'd give anything to find out I was pregnant and then not freak out about taking progesterone injections, and not worry about a loss the entire time.

Every time I feel this way, I remind myself of one of my good INCIID friends. She started trying before we did, and she still only has her angel babies in heaven. I know she would give anything to be me. To sit here with crummy girl parts, but still have two amazing miracles--HERE with me every day. I know there are many, many women in different stages of the struggle that would trade with me in a minute--I was one of them. But still, sometimes I get sad, and think it's unfair. So tell me to knock it off. To count my blessings. To remember that the kids drive me nuts some days, and I really don't want more. C'mon, I can take it...